5/31/2026

First Steps

Today, I finally figured out how to get a blog going. Using Zonelets was super easy and, while I'm super happy with what I've gotten done today, I want to get so much more done. I want to really personalize this website, get it done and get it done well. Zonelets will be a great learning experience, but I want to make my own code as well.

In other words, I spent the night with my girlfriend last night (I went to bed before she did haha). She is super awesome and I'm really glad she is in my life, but I have my doubts. Not about dating her or who she is as a person, but who I am and how I act. I just can't seem to keep my hands off of her and thinking inappropriately. This was a problem in my past relationships too, and it's really stressing me out. I've spent the last year of my life working hard to grow in the aftermath of the breakup with my first true love. We broke up because I was way too sexual and touchy, and while my current girlfriend is more than willing to be intimate with me, I get super scared. Something happened this morning that I now feel bad about, but it didn't seem as if she was upset afterwards.

Beforehand, I told her what I intended to do and she said it was fine, but I just don't know. Definitely don't think I will do it again in the future, but I think it would be wise to check in with her later tonight to see how she felt/feels about it. I would not say that I have a very good track record when it comes to relationships, and I believe that I have grown a lot in the past few years, especially the last one, but I'm terrified that I'm still not right. I overthink a lot still, and while I may have improved a lot, I still have much to learn and a lot to go.

I just want to be a better person, for both myself and others.

Tomorrow is a better day,

✎𓂃Whodisyphus