6/18/2026
Rough Times
The last few weeks have been pretty turbulent. Lot of shit has happened. To start, I broke up with my girlfriend, largely because I found her to be too immature and irresponsible, especially for a mom. I also got removed from my evening client's case because the mom had gotten anxious about a joke I had made (that the company has deemed harmless) and wanted to end services. Because of these two things, I've felt pretty alone and disconnected from everything in my life. And on top of all of that, I have a pinched nerve in my shoulder yet again and it is making me extremely irritable and is discouraging me from going out and doing stuff.
Since I broke up with my ex, I've been trying to talk to more girls. It just sucks because I don't think I even want anything from these girls I message or want to message, I think I genuinely just crave attention from literally anyone and am grasping onto literally anything to feel anything. I'm also thinking about all the people I have screwed over since high school and, to face my fears a bit, I've followed several people on Instagram from high school that I believe aren't very fond of me. I am honestly terrified of how that is going to turn out, but I can't live in fear forever.
Losing my client is probably the worst part about all of this. It is my first job working in the psychology field and I'm actually enjoying my job, I look forward to working instead of dreading every moment of it. I just got so scared and angry when I got the email notifying me that I was removed from the case. All I could think was that I had failed and that my job was in jeopardy and that I should go to a nother company. The email was also worded in a way that it really did sound like I had fucked up, but after I dug and got some clarification, I realized that the mom had just misonstrued a joke I had said. I know for a fact that I never said anything inappropriate around him, I made a point of that, so I genuinely just have no idea what she is talking about. The whole situation was just handled very unprofessionally by all parties and it really makes me scared for my future in the field.
Today was a real suck ass kinda day. Since I got taken off the case, I didn't have to work today or tomorrow, and I've just been lazing around all day; playing video games, laying down on my old smartphone, watching some bullshit on TV, eating way too much food. I've been in my mind all day, just hating myself and the circumstances that I'm currently going through. I even texted my therapist yesterday and got an appointment set up with him next week, that is how bad it has been. But hey, at least I'm trying to take care of myself. I'm drinking a lot of water and trying to keep my shoulder mobile and I have a chiropractor appointment tomorrow again, but this pinched nerve still hurts like a bitch.
There has just been so much bullshit the last few weeks and I think it is really culminating into one big wave right now. I'm feeling so much pain, both physically and mentally, and it is making it really hard for me to want to actually do anything. I wanted to make food, like a real meal, but I just didn't want to go to the store and go shopping or get in my car to drive there. I hate that I am staying stuck in my room, jerking off and doing nothing all day, but I don't really want to do anything else! I wish I could find a way to actually push myself to do anything.
These days are tough, and I am really struggling right now, but I know that I will be okay. I just need to be patient, be nice, and hope for the best.
To better health,
✎𓂃Whodisyphus